On The 8th Day of Christmas Rough Fang Gave To Me…

The origins of Christmas in Poptropica Part 2: The Return of Chris.

Rough Fang: Centuries after Chris’ death, the Poptropicans had divided and colonized the islands of Poptropica. Things seemed to settle down…until a NEW THREAT AROSE.

VAMPIRES. THE COOL ONES. They stalked the night, drinking the blood of their victims and creating more of their foul kind. The Poptropicans were vastly outmatched. They needed help, but now that Chris was dead they had no leadership and no hope. As such, they were forced to form an uneasy alliance with the vampires’ natural predator…

THE GREAT BEAST. The Great Beast was a monstrous creature that dwelt in an ancient underground temple. It had 6 giant arms, 57 wings, 12 legs, the tail of a peacock, machine guns for chest hair and knives for eyelashes and fists for sweat. It also sneezed grenades and breathed crocodiles.

In return for its services, the Poptropicans were to sacrifice 7 children to it every year. The Poptropicans were horrified, but with nowhere else to turn, they agreed. The Great Beast emerged from its home and began attacking the vampires. Fearing for their lives, the vampires fled and hid and the Poptropicans were safe.

But not really, because of thee whole “child sacrifice” thing going on.

One year after the Great Beast defeated the vampires, it demanded its sacrificial offering. But once again, in their time of need, a hero rose to defend them. A young girl named Scary Jumper decided she would defeat The Great Beast.

With the help of her headless pet goblin, Scary Jumper consulted a medicine man for advice on defeating the Great Beast. The medicine man presented her with a human tooth which was said to be the key to the Great Beast’s death. However, the medicine man gave no more details, and threw assorted fruits at Scary Jumper until she left.

What a jerk.

And so, Scary Jumper volunteered as tribute (may the odds be ever in her favour) and she journeyed into the depths of the temple with the other 6 children and her headless goblin. They encountered the Great Beast, bathing in a jacuzzi of buzzsaws. On fire.

“YES!!! MY SACRIFICES ARE HERE!!!” The Great Beast bellowed in all caps. It sneezed out a grenade and lunged at the children. Thinking quickly, Scary Jumper threw the tooth into the beast’s gaping mouth and it lodged within the Great Beast’s throat.

As the monster choked to death, it let out a gut-wrenching cry so loud that it caused the continents to shift. It fell to the ground and its flesh evaporated and became one with the universe leaving behind its skeleton…and a treasure chest.

OK, so get ready here because there’s a big plot twist. Inside the treasure chest, Scary Jumper found…wait for it…CHRIS’ SEVERED HEAD.

*DRAMATIC STING*

WAIT THERE’S MORE! Turns out, Scary Jumper’s headless goblin is actually CHRIS’ DECAPITATED BODY.

*DRAMATIC STING AGAIN*

Chris’ head and body are reunited and he returns! But WAIT! THERE’S A THIRD PLOT TWIST! The Great Beast returns as a ghost, because it’s awesome, and attacks Chris! Chris and The Great Beast engaged in an epic battle that lasted twelve thousand years. Islands sunk in their wake, oceans parted before them, planets spontaneously exploded because they were just that metal.

But ultimately, Chris defeated The Great Beast. He tore down the sky and wrapped up The Great Beast like a sushi of death for all eternity.

At long last, the Poptropicans had their benevolent ruler back. But, weary from his millenia-long battle, Chris decided to retire to a tropical land for all eternity, a place where he could rest, undisturbed, yet still watch over the people of Poptropica.

Where was this place? THE SUN. Because Chris is just that awesome.

Thus, the people of Poptropica once again had their Chris. And once again, they began to celebrate Christmas to honour the cosmic being who watched over them from his private resort on the sun.

THE END

Rough Fang: Well human me, how’d you like that 100% accurate story?

Yeah, remind me never to let you write anything ever again. 

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